Know what recovery looks like?
Fat
& better than Fat: HAPPY!
I won't pretend; everyday is not perfect, but I purge only few times a month, if at all.
And I will call that success.
I'm happy. My life is bigger than the scale and I am thankful for my mindset finally catching up.
I would LOVE to be back under 130, but I'm not willingly to sacrifice my sanity for it ever again.
tri thin
05 September 2015
02 May 2013
23 April 2013
158.5
I can not express how much I am loving this song:
chocolates & cigarettes *
I fucking hate being this size. I am done with it, I bought a 10lb weight vest and have started running in it. My knees hurt, but it feels worth the pain.
Most days I drink only protein shakes and when I cave and eat real food I always purge. I'm hoping someday the scale will reflect the minimal intake.
My teeth hurt again. They are really sensitive to cold & hot drinks and I fear they will be completely useless one day, but I can't stop.
I can't stop until I'm thin again.
*I do not smoke, but am absolutely addicted to chocolate...
chocolates & cigarettes *
I fucking hate being this size. I am done with it, I bought a 10lb weight vest and have started running in it. My knees hurt, but it feels worth the pain.
Most days I drink only protein shakes and when I cave and eat real food I always purge. I'm hoping someday the scale will reflect the minimal intake.
My teeth hurt again. They are really sensitive to cold & hot drinks and I fear they will be completely useless one day, but I can't stop.
I can't stop until I'm thin again.
*I do not smoke, but am absolutely addicted to chocolate...
05 April 2013
huge
I'm huge.
In reality, I'm average.
I am not okay with being average.
-
I'm not coping well...not with the divorce, not with being a single mom, not with being a student, not with being poor [again], or finding my 'new' way.
My life feels awful.
Teacher moved away & I started dating another man, we'll call him Ogre. My Ogre was amazing - for 6 months he was amazing - he kept up his perfect front, but then...oh, but then, did crazy came out. My heart was broken and I felt lost again.
-
Binging & purging is at an all time high for me; which explains the huge because no bulimic actually gets to be thin, we only pretend for a minute that we aren't as fat as we really are. [if only I could find a way back to EDNOS, bulimia with bouts of anorexia, maybe then I could find real results in weight loss]
In reality, I'm average.
I am not okay with being average.
-
I'm not coping well...not with the divorce, not with being a single mom, not with being a student, not with being poor [again], or finding my 'new' way.
My life feels awful.
Teacher moved away & I started dating another man, we'll call him Ogre. My Ogre was amazing - for 6 months he was amazing - he kept up his perfect front, but then...oh, but then, did crazy came out. My heart was broken and I felt lost again.
-
Binging & purging is at an all time high for me; which explains the huge because no bulimic actually gets to be thin, we only pretend for a minute that we aren't as fat as we really are. [if only I could find a way back to EDNOS, bulimia with bouts of anorexia, maybe then I could find real results in weight loss]
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