Jordan, you are not an asshat. My husband is an asshat.
Last night I took part in the most ridiculous conversation of my life (to date, because I can only imagine what 'fun' the future holds for me).
We were discussing my moving out and he basically concluded that I absolutely must return to counseling with him and then he will decide if our marriage is indeed over (or not). I'm not 'allowed' to move out because it would only show I am not in the proper mindset to raise a child and how dare I burden him the mortgage payment. Not to mention, even if he does decide he hates me, we would still have to find a way to continue living together to raise our son.
Seriously. Being raised by parents who hate each other? Yeah, that sounds like the ideal situation for a kid.
For fuck's sake - Why did it take me so long to realize what a douchebag this guy is? but don't worry, his rant hasn't changed any of my plans.
The 'escape route' is there and with a secret tattoo on my side for added confidence - I'm all set.
I'm still dropping off my paperwork and deposit at the apartment tonight. It's a cute little 1 bedroom w/ a den (I'll take the den, kid gets the room), a fireplace (yay!!, what? I like fire), and it's on the third floor with a huge balcony looking out into a wooded lot. Benefits include the cost is on the lower end of my budget, I have friends living in the same complex, 2 more friends about 5 miles away and a family friend, who is like a grandmother to my son, is only 10minutes away. Also found an affordable preschool right near my work with an opening coming up at the end of October. It's all pretty much falling into place.
Thank you all for your support, I wish I felt more amazing or worthy of admiration, but I am getting there.
& in my first ED related news in a while, I'm going to do a juice fast for October. I like to think I'm going to spend the month clearing out all toxins in my life - excess junk, terrible husband, bad food, & of course a little fat so that I can start November and my 27th year of life off right.
30 September 2010
29 September 2010
136
I know talk is cheap and as much as I want a fairy tale ending, I know if there is a happily ever after for me, it is not going to be with him.
I told my son about moving, I said how much his dad and I love him and how we would always love him no matter what just sometimes moms & dads need to live in different houses. I think he took the news pretty well, he even seems a little excited about having a new room. He only cried when I told him the dog wouldn't live with us and he keeps reminding me how much he'll miss the dog. It's so sad and I think it says a lot about my husband if his son cries over the dog, but doesn't cry about moving away from his dad.
I'm still looking for a preschool, but we should be moving into the apartment before the end of October.
ps - my tattoo hurts a little bit... ;) I figured since the husband won't be seeing me naked ever again I might as well go ahead with it. The feather is simple, no color and I love it. I'll post pictures as soon as it heals a little more, all the redness makes it kind of gross for now.
I told my son about moving, I said how much his dad and I love him and how we would always love him no matter what just sometimes moms & dads need to live in different houses. I think he took the news pretty well, he even seems a little excited about having a new room. He only cried when I told him the dog wouldn't live with us and he keeps reminding me how much he'll miss the dog. It's so sad and I think it says a lot about my husband if his son cries over the dog, but doesn't cry about moving away from his dad.
I'm still looking for a preschool, but we should be moving into the apartment before the end of October.
ps - my tattoo hurts a little bit... ;) I figured since the husband won't be seeing me naked ever again I might as well go ahead with it. The feather is simple, no color and I love it. I'll post pictures as soon as it heals a little more, all the redness makes it kind of gross for now.
28 September 2010
25 September 2010
135
He told me I was crazy and I was the one ruining the relationship.
Today I realized it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I'm the bitch or if he's the psycho. Or if both is true.
All that matters is this relationship isn't working out for either of us and I'm finally taking a stand for me.
I'm off to do some apartment shopping today, I would feel more comfortable having my own place than bunking (and feeling like a burden) with my friends.
Any advice on how to talk to my son about us moving out without dad? My husband cannot talk to me without yelling, so I think this is a conversation I'm going to have to do on my own.
Today I realized it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I'm the bitch or if he's the psycho. Or if both is true.
All that matters is this relationship isn't working out for either of us and I'm finally taking a stand for me.
I'm off to do some apartment shopping today, I would feel more comfortable having my own place than bunking (and feeling like a burden) with my friends.
Any advice on how to talk to my son about us moving out without dad? My husband cannot talk to me without yelling, so I think this is a conversation I'm going to have to do on my own.
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