?

I don't know about the rest of you, but meeting new girls always makes me nervous. I haven't met anyone that is going on the trip this weekend and I just found out it's 4 girls and one other couple. To deal with my anxiety about it I may have facebook stalked them all to determine if I would indeed be the fattest chick there and sadly it's undetermined - come on ladies, you need to stop putting multiple people in your profile pictures because I want to believe the fat girl is you, but I'm pretty sure you're the skinny brunette....

Do you know what happens when I start to panic about my weight?

binge

know what follows the binge?

purge

What triggered all of this you may wonder? a stupid hot tub at the mountain house. It's fucking winter kids, can't I keep a baggy sweater on?!?

My menial coping skills just aren't fighting through this panic, & I need to know what to do? I don't want to 'forget' my suit and look like a flake, but I also don't think I'll be able to make it through the week without more b/p episodes.

...fuck

138

+ 3lbs - I blame booze

fucking beer - when will I learn that captain morgan's & whiskey are much better choices for my waist line?

Speaking of road blocks on my weight loss goals - Mr teacher man wants me to join him and some friends in the mountains this weekend. Guess what is involved? Lots of food & drinking. Fuck, I want to go, but I hate being fat.

Guess I'm starving all week in preparation for another weekend of over indulging.

b. 1/2 oatmeal + adderall
l. 1/2 'chx' sandwich
d. edamame

& I have a prescription for adderall, I'm sort of ADD - I just amp up the symptoms for the Dr.

?

Hot Teacher and I went out 3 nights this week (& fell into bed) and even better last night was the best date I have ever had.

We met early in the afternoon to go to an art museum and spent a few hours wandering around together. He was the perfect guy for me to go with, we gave each other space to look and would randomly share/discuss when there was a particular piece we enjoyed. From there we went to a new sushi place in town and had a delicious dinner (seriously delicious, I'm tempted to stop by and pick up dinner tonight for myself). Then a friend of mine called and invited us to go see a local band , but the concert didn't start until 10 & since we had a few hours to kill we went back to his place and ... an amazingly fun time was had & then again after the concert...

Probably helps that all of the things we did were things I hated doing with E or things he refused to do. Hot Teacher is so fun & happy, it is a wonderful change of energy to have around me.

We also had 'the talk' about what we wanted from the relationship. I let him say what his intentions were first (that way he couldn't just agree with what I said I wanted) and lucky for me we agree we want to continue seeing each other, but neither of us is looking for a committed relationship - we just want to have fun with each other while the fun lasts. yay!

Hope (for the American readers) that you made it through Thanksgiving without huge tragedy, I think I did alright, but I'll have to wait until tomorrow to see the damage.

135

So who would like to start making bets that this is where I completely fuck up my eating and I starting gaining back up to 140?

'cause that is definitely my pattern for... what? the last year & a half or so? maybe 2+ I just fluctuate between 135-145.

I'm excited to be down to 135 again, but pretty much terrified that this is where I always seem to lose momentum and/or to hit a road block.

Do you see the road block this time? It's Thanksgiving & then Christmas, fucking holiday food...

b. 1/2 buttered bagel + coffee
l. adderall + sparkling water
d. beer?