21 July 2011

148

fuck

it is has been forever, is anyone still randomly following this?

Surprisingly, I'm still dating Teacher. We are making a little room for each other, so it's kind of like an open relationship. I've cheated twice. He's cheated once. We've been honest. I cheat because I like attention, I'm new to being single...I'm insecure, reassurance from others that I'm worthy (even just worthy enough to fuck) makes me feel better than my usual self. He cheated because he was tempted & he fell for temptation. & to me that is a fair enough excuse.

In all honesty I gave up on hopes of monogamy being my path years ago, but I feel uncomfortable wondering what others will think of me continuing to date Teacher, but also dating other people. I want to say 'fuck other people' but I know I am not capable of disconnecting myself from outside judgement.

I cannot remember the last time I purged.
I still binge.
I still starve.
I still make up idiotic diets to lose weight fast.

Obviously nothing is working. I'm consistently pudgy & it is beyond frustrating.

10 comments:

kazehana said...

I feel you. I haven't purged in a couple months...but restricting is much harder to give up.

I hate the extra pounds, still feel like I *have* to lose them or else...dunno what the 'else' is that will happen if I don't, but it feels dire.

All you can do is keep making as many healthy choices in a day as possible, and build on that, eh?

Lina (of Flushed) said...

Not purging is an accomplishment in itself. I'm still counting the days myself.

Chin up. Try and make more good choices than not.

Emry said...

Glad to see a post from ya! It doesn't matter what other people think (easier to say than to really believe, I know, but it's true), so if what you 2 have going on works for both of you, then do it anyways. At least you're not lying to each other & stuff like some people do. Hope things are going well for you!

K said...

ahhh i've been looking forward to hearing from you!!!

Fed Up said...

It's totally ok to date 10 people at once and have sex with 'em all if you want to. You two are being honest with each other and that's what counts. Might as well have fun with it. Once you decide you want to settle down and the attention of one man is enough to make you feel good then you will. Until then....date away!!!

drink me. said...

Have you ever read the advice column Savage Love? If not you should. He has a lot of insight on non-monogamous relationships. It's pretty interesting and intelligent. I found myself spending days scouring the years worth of archives. There's nothing wrong with confident non-monogamy :)

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove

EmptyShell said...

I think your relationship is awesome, and probably way healthier then most. As long as you are being honest have fun.

Good job on not purging!

For The Prophet said...

Congrats on no purging! Keep it up!!!

Because I love who I can become said...

well done on controlling the purging! thats a big thing!

its been ages! so lovely to read a post from you to hear how things are going for you!

i think that as long as you and teacher are comfortable with it and dont make it a big deal than others will slowly become comfortable with it.

xx

Xo-glass-slippers-oX said...

I was so happy to see a post from you!

I think its absolutely ok to date others... as long as your honest about it! X

Good Job on the no purging
xx