20 January 2012


eish. stupid beer.

came across this song today, wanted to share it.


14 January 2012


b. egg whites & wheat tst
s. almonds
l. salmon & small salad
s. apple & cheese
d. chx stirfry

followed yesterday's plan almost perfectly! I wish I could wake up tomorrow at 123, but I can't! I need to find some patience so that I don't lose motivation too soon.

"Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them--every day begin the tasks anew."

13 January 2012


b. light protein shake w/ banana
s. almonds
l. lettuce wrap
s. celery, carrots & pb
d. grilled chx & bkd potato

must be healthy & lose weight.

trying to remind myself that being healthy is more important than being thin.

be healthy. be happy.

must adopt that mantra.

09 January 2012


and that is my weigh in after breakfast & with wet hair :)

So thrilled to be on my way back down.

My roommate and I started a little competition with weekly weigh ins. Whoever loses the least (or gains) that week has to put $8 in a jar. At the end of our challenge whoever lost the most overall wins the entire pot! I put $4 in to start it off and by April 1 it will be $100. Bragging rights and a little extra cash is a good motivator for both of us...or at least we're hoping it continues to be.

08 January 2012


Currently reading Fat Land: How Americans Became the Fattest People in the World.

One part made me laugh out loud, not because it was particularly funny, but on a personal level I thought it was worthy of a chuckle.

When I was younger graham crackers were one of my first trigger foods. I could easily eat an entire box in one sitting. I still don't keep them in the house and I'm fairly certain it's been five years since my last graham cracker. Anyway, Sylvester Graham, a presbyterian minister invented the graham cracker. He also publicly attacked overeating as a form of overstimulation, which would lead to other sinful behaviors. Oh my!

but can't argue with that. I'm a glutton. I also exhibit other sins on a daily basis, such as lust, greed, sloth & envy.

But who cares, I prefer my box of graham crackers empty & my bed full ;)

05 January 2012


Oooh & to add to the fun, my ex just started dragging me through court, he is trying to get full custody of our son. For those of you who have followed me for a while know he suffers from bipolar disorder, which is still being poorly treated. He has several DUIs on record, severe anxiety problems with several attacks that left him hospitalized and the house he lives in is filled with holes he's punched in the walls & doors. I don't think he'll be awarded custody, but it's so frustrating having to deal with it and I still kill myself with worry over the 'what ifs'

I spent all of last night curled up in a ball crying and drinking whiskey. I feel like my life may always be filled with so much baggage that no man will want to take it all on. The idea of spending my life alone honestly terrifies me, but I'm trying to remain positive and am so proud of myself for not letting all of this set off a binge-purge episode. I have been doing so well keeping the bulimia at bay and I refuse to allow it to creep back in.

This morning I sucked it up and reminded myself that my life can be better, but only if I'm better.

I pulled myself out of bed & met a friend for coffee
I loaded up my fridge with fruits, veggies & kombucha
I went for a run & did a little yoga

Hoping I can hold on to the healthy outlook throughout all of this drama, but I find myself already wishing I had teacher's shoulder to cry on & that only makes me want to cry harder...

03 January 2012


up 3lbs since July. Could be worse...I guess.

I broke up with teacher, but I still love him. I miss him terribly, but things weren't right. We dated for over a year and it took me that long to realize he is not the kind of man I want to help me raise my son. & I'll get over it someday, but right now the loneliness is eating away at me.