05 January 2012

147

Oooh & to add to the fun, my ex just started dragging me through court, he is trying to get full custody of our son. For those of you who have followed me for a while know he suffers from bipolar disorder, which is still being poorly treated. He has several DUIs on record, severe anxiety problems with several attacks that left him hospitalized and the house he lives in is filled with holes he's punched in the walls & doors. I don't think he'll be awarded custody, but it's so frustrating having to deal with it and I still kill myself with worry over the 'what ifs'

I spent all of last night curled up in a ball crying and drinking whiskey. I feel like my life may always be filled with so much baggage that no man will want to take it all on. The idea of spending my life alone honestly terrifies me, but I'm trying to remain positive and am so proud of myself for not letting all of this set off a binge-purge episode. I have been doing so well keeping the bulimia at bay and I refuse to allow it to creep back in.

This morning I sucked it up and reminded myself that my life can be better, but only if I'm better.

I pulled myself out of bed & met a friend for coffee
I loaded up my fridge with fruits, veggies & kombucha
I went for a run & did a little yoga

Hoping I can hold on to the healthy outlook throughout all of this drama, but I find myself already wishing I had teacher's shoulder to cry on & that only makes me want to cry harder...

4 comments:

tracy said...

With a background like his, it seems pretty doubtful your (ex?) husband could ever get custody, but i can only imagine the constant anxiety and fear it causes you and i am so sorry for that.

i am also sorry you are alone with no one to comfort you....want me to come over and we can make "What the Hell shots"?

Thake care, Doll,
tracy

"Your dad isn't living here because i only wanted to raise one kid at a time."

HA! Verification "debit". Story of my life!

~Nessa~ said...

I'm soo soo sooooo sorry you're going through this right now, and even more so that it's seemingly alone. You are not alone though. You have all your blog buddies who will support you in whatever you're doing, and you have friends in real life who are probably more than willing to help you in any way possible.

There is NO way your ex would get custody.

skinnybusiness said...

He won't he won't he won't he won't, and another child will resent his father forever.

Raynay said...

Sorry you are having a tough time. Things will get better! Everybody has baggage sweety. You will meet a nice guy one day, and he will help you carry it. <3