155.8

Thank you, kazehana.

I know you're right.

I'm just not ready to let go of it yet.

158.5

I can not express how much I am loving this song:

chocolates & cigarettes *

I fucking hate being this size. I am done with it, I bought a 10lb weight vest and have started running in it. My knees hurt, but it feels worth the pain.

Most days I drink only protein shakes and when I cave and eat real food I always purge. I'm hoping someday the scale will reflect the minimal intake.

My teeth hurt again. They are really sensitive to cold & hot drinks and I fear they will be completely useless one day, but I can't stop.

I can't stop until I'm thin again.

*I do not smoke, but am absolutely addicted to chocolate...

huge

I'm huge.

In reality, I'm average.

I am not okay with being average.

-

I'm not coping well...not with the divorce, not with being a single mom, not with being a student, not with being poor [again], or finding my 'new' way.

My life feels awful.

Teacher moved away & I started dating another man, we'll call him Ogre. My Ogre was amazing - for 6 months he was amazing - he kept up his perfect front, but then...oh, but then, did crazy came out. My heart was broken and I felt lost again.

-

Binging & purging is at an all time high for me; which explains the huge because no bulimic actually gets to be thin, we only pretend for a minute that we aren't as fat as we really are. [if only I could find a way back to EDNOS, bulimia with bouts of anorexia, maybe then I could find real results in weight loss]