23 April 2013


I can not express how much I am loving this song:

chocolates & cigarettes *

I fucking hate being this size. I am done with it, I bought a 10lb weight vest and have started running in it. My knees hurt, but it feels worth the pain.

Most days I drink only protein shakes and when I cave and eat real food I always purge. I'm hoping someday the scale will reflect the minimal intake.

My teeth hurt again. They are really sensitive to cold & hot drinks and I fear they will be completely useless one day, but I can't stop.

I can't stop until I'm thin again.

*I do not smoke, but am absolutely addicted to chocolate...


kazehana said...
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kazehana said...

Purging will only put you on a weight gain spiral. Even if you purge, you still absorb something like 50% of the ingested calories but almost none of the nutrition-- while simultaneously depleting your body of electrolytes...which means you wind up puffy, bloated, and craving more food.

I'm going to classify the rest of my comment as harm reduction for the sake of my own conscience...

If you're going to restrict, don't purge. If you're going to restrict, calculate your BMR and the BMR of the bodyweight you'd like to be and then use those numbers of calories as your maximum and minimum (respectively) safe intakes.

Here is a quick BMR calculator.

Eat more on work out days and you'll keep your metabolism from going dormant and stuffing you into starvation/fat conservation mode.

There...that said, I am about the same weight as you are right now and it's really not that bad. It's average, yes. But average can be good if it helps lead you to a more healthy relationship with yourself. I'm doing yoga on rotten days and it helps.


kazehana said...

And here's a little more info regarding weight loss and purging.