250 liquid calories? How the fuck did I do that?
I noticed something nice in the mirror today...I know, something nice in the mirror? what a rarity!...I have ribs showing on my back & my sides, lovely little ribs poking through and my collarbone is more pronounced than before
I'm going for another day of liquids, but I'm already settled on the idea of how high the calorie count will be today since I have my heart set on a latte for lunch since this week has been exhausting.
I want to acknowledge that onetenam is right, I do have some wonderful, lovely bloggers who listen to my whining and love me anyway - thank you, it has been a huge relief to have somewhere to vent (and get some feedback)
& now, back to my venting
. . .
Last night my husband and I spent time talking/yelling at each other and sifting through all the little bullshit and we finally came to an agreement/understanding of our individual fails.
- I have no consideration for his mood disorder.
- He lacks the ability to compromise.
I think the conclusion we came to is good, but only because we figured out (and agree on) the 'root' of our problems. The bad part? Those are some huge issues to overcome.
I'm embarrassed to say my patience and understanding for his mental health is lacking (or sadly may be nonexistent) - how can I have my own issues with depression (& an ED) and not understand that some things you can't just 'get over'? I'm aware my following statement is wrong, logically I know this, but I can't let go of the idea that: my mental state is always within my control, so in turn his mental state should be within his. I know I'm ridiculous. To help me better understand his situation, I'm shopping around for books to help guide me as the spouse of someone with bipolar disorder and anxiety, any chance any of you have some suggestions?
& for his issue - how does someone who believes the world runs in black & white learn to find the gray areas? He is so stubborn and hard headed that if he states the sky is green, it doesn't matter what you say because that sky will always be green in his mind and you are an idiot to believe otherwise...no seriously, we had this conversation once...
Am I so far off in thinking the issues we each bring to the relationship would probably be considered deal breakers?
& apparently, if I go ahead and get the tattoo then I am being openly defiant and spiteful towards him and he'll never want to see me naked again. First thing I think to myself is, 'fuck, I'll show you spiteful' and I start dreaming up a huge side tattoo and how I could lose 5lbs by Monday...
Jesus Christ, I know this marriage is fucked up.