30 September 2010


Jordan, you are not an asshat. My husband is an asshat.

Last night I took part in the most ridiculous conversation of my life (to date, because I can only imagine what 'fun' the future holds for me).

We were discussing my moving out and he basically concluded that I absolutely must return to counseling with him and then he will decide if our marriage is indeed over (or not). I'm not 'allowed' to move out because it would only show I am not in the proper mindset to raise a child and how dare I burden him the mortgage payment. Not to mention, even if he does decide he hates me, we would still have to find a way to continue living together to raise our son.

Seriously. Being raised by parents who hate each other? Yeah, that sounds like the ideal situation for a kid.

For fuck's sake - Why did it take me so long to realize what a douchebag this guy is? but don't worry, his rant hasn't changed any of my plans.

The 'escape route' is there and with a secret tattoo on my side for added confidence - I'm all set.

I'm still dropping off my paperwork and deposit at the apartment tonight. It's a cute little 1 bedroom w/ a den (I'll take the den, kid gets the room), a fireplace (yay!!, what? I like fire), and it's on the third floor with a huge balcony looking out into a wooded lot. Benefits include the cost is on the lower end of my budget, I have friends living in the same complex, 2 more friends about 5 miles away and a family friend, who is like a grandmother to my son, is only 10minutes away. Also found an affordable preschool right near my work with an opening coming up at the end of October. It's all pretty much falling into place.

Thank you all for your support, I wish I felt more amazing or worthy of admiration, but I am getting there.

& in my first ED related news in a while, I'm going to do a juice fast for October. I like to think I'm going to spend the month clearing out all toxins in my life - excess junk, terrible husband, bad food, & of course a little fat so that I can start November and my 27th year of life off right.


Anonymous said...

I'm so happy for you! You did not let him draw you back into that same old circle. Sounds like you will have a great support system around you. This is a fresh start for you! I didn't have a kid but I know how hard it is to sorta start over. It will be good. You now know exactly what kind of person you can't be with and when you settle down again you will be smart about it and not settle. Live and learn!

Madita said...

I wish you all the best!

Madita, Germany.

Emry said...

Glad you are doing what you feel you need to do & that things seem to be coming together so nicely! I hope your move goes smoothly! I'm sure it's going to be really nice being out of house (away from him) & being near people you know.

~Nessa~ said...

Ack, what a dink. You should get a lawyer . . . before he does. And explain your situation, and his "asshat-ness" (I'm adopting that word) so that when you have a custody battle, he won't be able (or less so) to make you look like a craaaaaaaaaaaazy bi-yatch. (which you're clearly not)

But I'm glad you're getting a nice clean slate. :)

Anonymous said...

Fuck yes! I'm so happy for you that everything is falling into place (and I like fire too!). I love your idea of clearing out all of the toxins and excess shit going on in your life.

You're starting off fresh and cleaaan, you deserve it.

Savory Sweet said...

I don't know why, but I always get really excited about moving into new places. So I'm living vicariously through you and your new apartment and already thinking about where everything will go and how the spaces will get used :)

But really, you are blazing a new trail and we all admire you for it. <3

K said...

i got a divorce and i made it out alive... and you can too. don't listen to him.... listen to yourself

Almost.Skinny said...

He's a controlling idiot. I'm very glad you see how silly that conversation was, sounds like him freaking out that he's lost control over you.
Your plan sounds wonderful, I'm so glad everything is falling into place, the apartment sounds perfect! :)
Stay strong with your juice fast! xxx

v. said...

I'm glad to hear that you're getting things together. This is all in the past, and it's time to move on and shine (:
xx v

Mia H said...

u go girl
and i agree that parents who dont like each other shouldnt live together to raise a child..

Mich said...

Good luck with the new place!! It sounds awesome, and great to have so many good people nearby. I don't know how you kept your cool when he said you weren't "allowed" to move out. I would have clocked him one right in the jaw.
...This is why I choose to remain single. ;)
Good luck with everything, and have an awesome weekend!! xXx

Anonymous said...

dump the douchebag with a secret mouse infestation too. accidental of course. xx

(well done you though)

Claire said...

YOU ARE AMAZING and I am so proud of you. SO PROUD. Your son has a wonderful and wise mother.

zette said...

it's only been a few days but i miss you....i suppose you're busy&i'm being entirely selfish. whatever. &hey it's good to know you're taking control. good on you for getting out. you deserve so much better.

R Harlow B said...

I'm behind and reading your posts backwards, but it sounds like you are a lot happier in the new posts, and you made the right decision.

~ Harlow