Jordan, you are not an asshat. My husband is an asshat.
Last night I took part in the most ridiculous conversation of my life (to date, because I can only imagine what 'fun' the future holds for me).
We were discussing my moving out and he basically concluded that I absolutely must return to counseling with him and then he will decide if our marriage is indeed over (or not). I'm not 'allowed' to move out because it would only show I am not in the proper mindset to raise a child and how dare I burden him the mortgage payment. Not to mention, even if he does decide he hates me, we would still have to find a way to continue living together to raise our son.
Seriously. Being raised by parents who hate each other? Yeah, that sounds like the ideal situation for a kid.
For fuck's sake - Why did it take me so long to realize what a douchebag this guy is? but don't worry, his rant hasn't changed any of my plans.
The 'escape route' is there and with a secret tattoo on my side for added confidence - I'm all set.
I'm still dropping off my paperwork and deposit at the apartment tonight. It's a cute little 1 bedroom w/ a den (I'll take the den, kid gets the room), a fireplace (yay!!, what? I like fire), and it's on the third floor with a huge balcony looking out into a wooded lot. Benefits include the cost is on the lower end of my budget, I have friends living in the same complex, 2 more friends about 5 miles away and a family friend, who is like a grandmother to my son, is only 10minutes away. Also found an affordable preschool right near my work with an opening coming up at the end of October. It's all pretty much falling into place.
Thank you all for your support, I wish I felt more amazing or worthy of admiration, but I am getting there.
& in my first ED related news in a while, I'm going to do a juice fast for October. I like to think I'm going to spend the month clearing out all toxins in my life - excess junk, terrible husband, bad food, & of course a little fat so that I can start November and my 27th year of life off right.