16 September 2010


I feel like I'm 220lbs - Yesterday was a HUGE fucking fail of a day

I ate meat - I binged at home -I cried

a lot

you'd cry too if you received the following email from your husband:

Don't get the tattoo. You will probably grow to hate it because I will most likely tell you how much I hate it every time I see it. Your body can not handle a large tattoo. Tattoos should not be placed any where that is pudgy or does not have the appearance of being firm. You are a mother now with a mother's body and a tattoo like you want will not look good on a mother's body.

I hope it does make you think twice, & even if you lost weight you would look relatively the same where you want to get the tattoo.

This confirms that my fat husband sucks at life, the fucking hypocrite. He is saying I'm pudgy and I don't need anything accenting my fat, yet he is waddling around at an actual 220lbs in clothes that are too small for him.

The worst line? even if you lost weight you'd still look the same - I read that to mean, I won't find you sexy no matter how much weight you lose because you have a mother's body and always will. I know he thinks tattoos are sexy, I've seen his porn collection so his issue is not the tattoo, his issue is with my body.


Doesn't matter either way, the tattoo artist canceled tonight and I'll probably feel too fat and motherly to go through with it in two weeks anyway.

bonus? this weekend I get to play happy married couple at his sister's wedding, yay...

right now, I hate my fucking life.


Leto said...

What a dick. It's your body and what you want, get it anyway! It will look great, and even better when you lose more weight. If he already doesn't like your body then fuck him, he doesn't have to like the tattoo either.

MaryJane said...

I can't believe he fucking said that to you! What a fucking asshole. That's completely unbelievable. Just look at Meg (Leak), she had a kid and is back to being super hot. And at 135 and 5'5 you are nowhere near being fat.
God, I just want to fucking punch your husband in the face for saying such hurtful bullshit. I honestly think he's just projecting his inner self-loathing for his own obesity onto you. :(

You don't deserve to be emotionally abused like that. I'm sorry he said that crap to you because it's totally not true at all :( He's just being hateful because he's fucking ignorant :(

Ugh. I'M SO MAD!!!!


Anonymous said...

it sounds like he is using the 'low blows' to get you to do what he ultimately wants.

i'm sorry.

i know that your husband's words reverberate more than anyone else's because he is your mate.
try not to take it too seriously.. a mother's body is beautiful no matter what, and I am sure that yours is more appealing than you think it to be.


Jo said...

This may sound harsh, but: If you didn't have a kid with him, I would tell you to kick his ass out NOW and not look back for a second. That email is abuse. Sure, it's "just" verbal, but clearly his intent was to hurt you to get his way as surely as if he'd used his fists. That kind of behavior DOES NOT GET BETTER. With time, IT ONLY GETS WORSE. People don't go from being abusive assholes to perfectly nice people. They go from being abusive assholes to even bigger abusive assholes. And you don't have to give two shits about his mental disorder. That is his responsibility to deal with, not yours.

You know, even if you do have a kid with him, I might tell you to dump the jerk. If he uses that kind of hurtful bullshit with you, he will use it on his kid. Think of how damaging that treatment would be to a child.

Piglet said...

You should reply to his email telling him that you are disgusted with his huge body, too.

What a fucking ass.

I'd have slapped my husband in the face and kicked his balls.

Anonymous said...

Agreed. He is a jerk. I have to wonder if it is possible for you to truly be happy with someone like that. If there is any way that you can part ways I'd do it. Life is just too short to be with someone who is toxic to you. If he can't love you just because you want a freakin tattoo then there is something very WRONG!

tracy said...

That is just awful...what a loser! He is being soooo horribley cruel to you! He cannot, obviously see past his own problems to understand how absolutely hurtful he is being to the one person he is supposed to love above all others.

i am so very sorry. i know how difficult love and marriage can be. i truly know, at this very minute.

118 or bust! said...

first of all, i'm very sorry that your husband, of all people, treats you this way. it's a shame that if he doesn't get his way he has to resort to personal, hypocritical insults. your body is yours, and what does being a mother have to do with having a tattoo? if you got a tattoo before having a child, then had a child, would he request you to get it lasered off?

please don't take anything he says to heart & let it hurt you because that is what he wants. you are a person with your own beliefs, thoughts, and wants. it's pretty upsetting that you husband would treat you this way, you don't deserve it.

Anonymous said...

fuck him!! what right does he have to say that when you're doing triathalons and he's waddling around almost 100lbs heavier than you?? He's just trying to project his own fucking insecurity on to you. Don't let him! Get the tattoo on both sides of your body.

PS it's an awesome design, and its your body, do get it, pleaseee. It would look freaking amazing and even if you only get it stenciled on at first it could encourage you to get it when you see how amazing it looks. xx

Kitty said...

your husband is a manipulative fuckwad.

mine was exactly the same, and i kicked his ass to the curb six months ago - i haven't regretted it for a moment.

never let another person speak to you like that. don't give him your power.

i'm a mother of TWO children and i have a great body. i'm lean, firm and i have four tattoos, one is on my stomach and is very large.

even at 36 years old and being "a mother" i have ab definition.

i bet that fat fuck doesn't.

love to you


Raynay said...

1st of all, please don't beat yourself about eating meat or binging. Hell, I've been vegan for two years and if someone said those things to me I'd probably want a freaking cheeseburger!! 2nd, that email makes me feel very violent. And you know what? If he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to look at it. I would bet you a million dollars there are plenty of studly, fit, NICE guys out there who would kill to look at your tattoo everyday. I don't know him, obviously he has some good qualities or you wouldn't have married him. All I know is that you didn't deserve to be treated like that.

Shiloh Daring said...


you don't deserve to have someone speak to you like that. I have no problem with him voicing his concerns, but that is just completely out of line. Who is he to say what you are going to look like, and it CERTAINLY sounds like he is in no place to judge...

Emry said...

I think that email was out of line, too harsh. It's like he was trying to be mean in order to convince you to not do something he doesn't want you to do. Screw him. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

kazehana said...

you husband sounds like he's probably terrified of you being or becoming much more attractive than he is, or hotter than he deserves to have.

he's probably afraid that if you reach maximum hotness, you won't have a reason to stay with him anymore, so he's trying to clip your wings to keep you close...make you feel like you're not beautiful so you won't project beauty and confidence that might draw someone else's attention.

you ever see that makeover show The Swan? lots of those husbands became really unhappy when their wives came out at the end of the show gorgeous and aware of their own worth. they were so insecure that they wished their wives would just go back to being frowsy so they could keep their unthreatened status as the only men who found their wives attractive.

if that's what's going on with your husband, then what a sad, sad fellow he is.

Annie said...

im so sorry for what he said. i can relate because my boyfriend of two years told me im "overweight" he didnt call me pudgy, or chubby. he said to my face that he thinks im "overweight". that was before ana.

im not sure how to help you. but i understand.

Anonymous said...

What a gutless fuck. He couldn't even say it to your face, he had to write it so the words can really sink in.

You are beautiful, gorgeous, radiant. Wear your body art with pride. It won't define you, you define it. He'll be so bowled over by how unique and confident and unstoppable you are he'll probably kick HIMSELF in the balls for being such a dickhead.

Much love to you sweetheart. Hope the weekend pans out ok.


~Nessa~ said...

My thoughts are with kazehana on this one.

I can't believe I was kinda sympathizing for him. My fiance doesn't want me to get another tattoo but he knows that it's important to me and he would never say something like that, especially in light of my body issues.

He must feel ashamed to be so fat while you're working your ass off (literally) to achieve something you want so bad.

. . . FUCK HIM. :P But soooo many X's and O's for you <3

zen said...

Just give us the word, and a bunch of pudgy tattooed girls will come there with shovels and an xtra large cargo van to take care of this problem for ya... permanently.
Love ya!
xoxo zen

Mich said...

I can't believe he EMAILED that to you. I'm with Zen.

You are fabulous, and that tattoo will look fabulous on you! And all that bullcrap about tattoos not looking good on a mother's body - don't listen to it. My sister is a proud mother, and is working on a 3/4 sleeve. And it looks awesome.

And Kazehana's right - he's probably scared of you bettering yourself. Guys are like that. :/


Ana said...

:( I'm sure he was trying to be sensitive, at least it *can* be read that way. That he's concerned you won't be happy with it because women who've carried children rarely are capable of tightening up their midsections, and if you're one of those many women you'll likely feel like sad every time you look at it, even if you shrunk down to nothingness. I don't know what you're belly looks like, so I'm sure I'm speaking out of turn. If he did mean it as you read it, I hope he spontaneously combusts.

Mia H said...

wow i cant believe he said that.. what was the whole "support each other til the end of time, happily ever after" thing? jesus.. hes a dick (sorry, i know hes ur husband, but he seems like a real ass to me right now)

Anonymous said...

Hey, i'm a new follower- really love your blog. Your husband sounds like such a twat (sorry), and he doesn't deserve such a strong woman. He will NEVER understand willpower. H x

RazAna said...

Thats messed up in sooo many ways!
Forget this!
F-ing hypocrite he is. Forget what he say's babe, it's your body, dont binge, be strong and do what ever you want to your body, you are not fat at all!

Prove that shouvanist wrong, and stay determined!!! <3

zen said...

Ana... I just sent you a mental bitch-slap.

Lilah Lee said...

WOW. seriously?!?!
What an ass...
I would be like bitchhh, I have lost somuch weight already, and you could use to lose some too!
Ok, well i'm not married and maybe you don't talk that way haha but STILL.

God, I would do whatever you want to do :)


K said...

look at all the support you have here... none of us would dare think of you that way. immature people tend to accuse the people they care about of having flaws they fear most in themselves... whenever I got angry at a girlfriend in highschool, i always called her "a fat slut." It's a way of coping with his issues about himself.. and the fact that you want to be sexy for yourself, not just for him. I bet he is afraid that now that you are not bound by weight, you are becoming independent and will not need him as a crutch like he needs you. Sabotaging your dreams is the best way to keep you stuck to him. Be proud of your accomplishments and be proud to show them with your gift to yourself.

Ria said...


lovelybones said...

He can make you feel the absolute worst about yourself and then the absolute best, its bullshit. I hate men. I'm going to try not to bash him, since he is your husband and its not really my place. But I don't think its a very loving and constructive way to talk to someone who you're supposed to care for more than you care for yourself. Just something to think about.

Keep your head up girl. If you want it, get it.

Anonymous said...

i think your husband is just trying to criticize you so that you get so broken down you wont leave him. which is pathetic. any man who tries to break down a woman like that is a bully. he should get skinny for YOU.
he seriously doesnt deserve you

Anonymous said...

Oh and he EMAILED that to you? Fucking coward.

Okay, I'm done.

margg. said...

i cannot believe your husband would say something like that.
that is so terrible.

it's your body, do what you want.

he does not deserve you.