20 September 2010

140

I'm completely blown away by all of your comments. Thank you! Thank you! for making me feel a little less crazy and showing me he really is stealing my happiness one cruel word at a time.

I know I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship and I'm aware the more weight I lose and the more confident I become the worse the abuse gets. He was his kindest when I was fat and no one else wanted me, it may be why we went ahead and walked down the aisle because at the time I didn't realize his kindness was linked to my fat.

I can practically remember pulling on the suit of armor and wanting to play the rescuing hero when I first started dating him. He cried to me about how he had been hurt in the past and all the women before were so cruel to him and I promised never to hurt him the way they did and never to leave him. I promised all those things people do when they blindly enter a relationship.

The problem is: I keep my promises, for better or worse, but I'm starting to believe there is a first time for everything.

Time for me to start breaking some promises.

10 comments:

Pasco said...

What a load of shit.

Not you, but your situation. Your husband isn't a bad person, he's just not particularly special. And he latched onto you for whatever reason he needed to make him OK with himself.

It has nothing to do with you and you were sad and vulnerable. A pawn for him to cradle for a while.

Fuck him. You're better now. You now yourself now. Get out.

Love xx

Claire said...

A lot of people in the worl are insecure enough to leach onto other like a parasite. I believe your husband felt comforted that a "fat girl" would not be brave enough to leave him, or be desirable to others so that she might cheat on him.

That isn't the world though. Love is far beyond the physical. I have always dated good looking men, and I have found that as they hurt me, as they used or abused me, they became uglier although little changed in their appearence.

Your husband is insecure about his hold over you now, and so he turns to cruelty rather than looking inward.

My husband beats me down when I am overweight, but sometimes I suspect he is secretly afriad that I will succeed in losing it. He tells me I am discusting while feeding me cookies.

Insecurity combined with arrogance creates the cruelest lover in the world.

You should be so proud of yourself for you accomplishments, and he should go to hell.

Mich said...

He can't handle you being strong instead of vulnerable. And the way I see it, a relationship should have both of you giving and taking in equal amounts. You keeping your promise of not hurting him seems a bit erroneous when he's obviously hurting you. He took the same wedding vows you did, so it seems like he broke his promises, too.

Stay strong, luv! Only you know what the right path is for you, but never forget that you are beautiful inside and out, and you deserve to be happy. xxxoooxxx

Mia H said...

some promises are made without knowing the whole truth abotu something. if he lied, you can lie and break a promise

zen said...

"He cried to me about how he had been hurt in the past and all the women before were so cruel to him"

Sounds pretty narcissistic to me.

He believes those things "happened" to him rather than accepting his responsibility? Certainly those women had their own side of the story too.

This situation is notorious with obese women who get gastric bypass.

Like you, they have a renewed sense of self confidence, receive positive attention from others and their spouses become ugly and jealous... inadvertently or (ultimately) destroying the relationship.

YOU are beautiful, strong, intelligent, and deserve to be adored. PLEASE don't let his insecurities snuff out your fire.

MUCH love!

one10am said...

You are such a beautiful person, inside and out, you deserve to stand up for yourself!

Goal_Thin said...

I'm a bit of a feminist. DO NOT let met over-rule us. Carry on losing weight, gain control of your body and your life- show him who's boss!! You can do it girl, I have the fullest faith in you :) xxxxxxx

Mindy said...

You deserve love and happiness...just remember...don't break promises made to yourself. I believe in your strength and character...you will know the way...the way to your promise. Keep your head held high...much happiness!!

MaryJane said...

Kelly, you do you.
Do what's right for YOU. He is tearing you down, and that ain't right. You deserve so much better.

You have my support and everyone else's here, clearly. We just want you to be happy.

<333333MJ

Jasmine said...

Hell yes! You go girl; go live your life and be HAPPY, nobody should ever try to take that from you. I'm so excited for you - stay strong, dear.

Do what you need to do.

xox