I'm completely blown away by all of your comments. Thank you! Thank you! for making me feel a little less crazy and showing me he really is stealing my happiness one cruel word at a time.
I know I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship and I'm aware the more weight I lose and the more confident I become the worse the abuse gets. He was his kindest when I was fat and no one else wanted me, it may be why we went ahead and walked down the aisle because at the time I didn't realize his kindness was linked to my fat.
I can practically remember pulling on the suit of armor and wanting to play the rescuing hero when I first started dating him. He cried to me about how he had been hurt in the past and all the women before were so cruel to him and I promised never to hurt him the way they did and never to leave him. I promised all those things people do when they blindly enter a relationship.
The problem is: I keep my promises, for better or worse, but I'm starting to believe there is a first time for everything.
Time for me to start breaking some promises.