22 September 2010

136

I told him.

Sort of.

I said I was going to be staying with a friend for a few days. Thursday - Sunday, & then he is out of town Monday - Tuesday so I'll stay at the house for the dog.

Could a few days turn into weeks, months....years? Probably.

I confirmed his 'worry' that I was already done with the relationship, in his words - I've checked out. I attempted to explain that I've spent the last 7 years giving him everything I had to offer and making excuses for his inability to reciprocate the love (& effort), the ending result being that I'm exhausted, I'm half the person I once was. I told him I have nothing left to give.

*

On a cheerier note, I have a standing appointment with the tattoo artist on the 28th, but since the peacock feather is tainted by my husband's words I want to hold off on it. I'm worried if I get it now I will always associate it with what he said, hopefully someday I'll get over it, but for now I'm thinking of getting something happy & positive, like 'chin up' (from Charlotte's Web) or some other positive affirmations, any suggestions?

7 comments:

lauren said...

i am sure you will do well.

sometimes things do not have the fairytale ending we would like them to have, and i am sorry you are going through this.
however, there are plenty of positive & edifying experiences ahead :)

i saw a tattoo on a model's forearm that simply said SOLVE.
it was all in lowercase and in some sexy cursive font .. but i think its a perfect tattoo.
have problems? solve them.
uncomfortable? solve it.
are you sad? solve it.

there is always some kind of control we can exercise over any situation .. and you are solving yours.

xxlauren

Jasmine said...

I would still get the feather. It would remind me of how wrong and stupid he was, and how strong I was to leave him.

Do you have a favorite cartoon character, song lyric, flower, etc...? Just anything that reminds you of happier times. :)

Stay strong, dear. I'm so excited for you. xox

Claire said...

I have been thinking about you a lot, ever since I read what your husband said about you getting a tattoo.

My fiance can be cruel about my weight. One time he told me he wouldn't fold my laundry because it grossed him out to see how big my clothes are.

On the other hand, he was angry I had left it on the couch, and was ttrying to hit me where it would hurt.

I have considered leaving my fiance for the things he has said, even though we have an 18month old baby together. But when I think about him, I still beleive in my heart that he is a good man who loves me, and is simply, sometimes, a fucker.

However, if I did not have a child with my fiance I would leave him this second. I probably wouldn't even bother to say goodbye. I only forgive him for the sake of our son.

If you do not have any children, I would hit the dorr this second. FUCKING LEAVE. Trust me. You do not want to wait until it is too late. LEAVE HIM. Or you will be miserable for years, years, upon years, and your life will be spent in regret and hatred, with a cruel, insecure, and spineless man who does not know how to love another person.

You need to RUN.

Claire said...

I cannot express how much my heart is with you, in your situation. I have so much empathy for you.

I am here for you, even though we are strangers.

Mindy said...

You have been in my thoughts and I am sending my love...I am here for you in anyway that I can be...Take care..big hugs!!!

Kitty said...

the feather is YOU. not him.

i'm proud that you are taking a stand against continuing a mediocre life.

you're young and you will find the right person later.

much luck to you.x

K said...

after my husband beat me up i swore to myself I'd get the tattoo BULLETPROOF.... because I made it out in one piece and am stronger on the other side of that relationship. I decided to get it when I hit a certain weight... but I don't see myself hitting it anytime soon...